New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
