some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
