It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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