fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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