i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
