i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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