I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
