Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
