alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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