as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
