he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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