He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
