I wanna passion pit in your ass
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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