I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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