Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
