I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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