she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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