I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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