Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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