last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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