Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
