I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
