why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
