sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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