youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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