Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
