I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
