She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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