Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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