I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
