I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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