The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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