If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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