I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
