Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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