they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
