i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize