His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
