I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
