I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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