i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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