I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
