whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
