I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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