A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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