Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
