This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize