so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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