It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
