The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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