false alarm. still invincible.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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