it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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