oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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