Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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