I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
