Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
