I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
