If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
