honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
