I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
