i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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