I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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