Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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