I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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