This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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