i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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