I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
