oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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