we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
