Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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