Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
