I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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