I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
