So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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