She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
