We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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