in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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