Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
As shirtless as possible
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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