drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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