My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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