Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
