At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
